Ok I am not Kim K. or Victoria B to have kid and look like ready to go to runway. I am a woman with tits, ass and hips who gave birth to two kids, who once in a great while has a bit of halva to treat herself. I have my coffee once a week, tea without sugar... I am more than well blessed in bussom area.
So I went shopping today. I have wedding to go to next week and I need something to wear. I have screaming baby in a pram, 9 year old running in circles in other hand and I am trying to figure out what to wear. Did you know that the average bra cup size is DD and all dresses are designed for someone who has pimples for boobs, and now to try to fit the child bearing hips in the dress is another art form. I feel shit enough for looking way I do, hell I rarely even take pictures of myself, last one I took was for my daughters christening in June, and I made sure its just a head shot (all other ones got conveniently deleted). My 9 year old yells across store mum you can fit in this one its size *(&*(&*(. And all I want to do is cover myself with paper bag over the head, its enough that people stare at me as it is. For fuck sake I will have to go shopping to old grandma store because I cant find anything that is nice for me that fits tits ass and hips. I wish I had a magic wand to make myself fit into one of dresses not to dress to look like going to funeral or to look like 90 year old grandma, you know the kind in black dress, black stockings with black scarf over head sitting on chair in front yard. I wish I had 800$ a year for gym membership or to get personal trainer to help me, or something so I would not have to starve myself. I want to be whatever the stores think average is. I want to wear whatever women my age wear and look good. I want to have time for all bullshit like going to hairstylist to cover my gray or my roots that I didnt have chance nor money to colour for last 4 months.
So fuck all of this, fuck everything, fuck the dresses, shoes stockings and hair, fuck the bra that I cant find in bra cup because they make maternity cups as B not as E or F. Fuck the shoes that have to be too tight, or high heels I have no idea how to walk in and then I waddle like duck in them. Fuck getting nails done, fuck everything, everyone at wedding will anyhow stare at me because I suck. I just want to crawl into the corner. Just FUCK FUCK FUCK FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!